No Mood

I actually wanted to blog about Valentine's Day but now it doesn't matter anymore. I went to visit my friend's baby yesterday at the hospital. She (LY) stayed there day and night with her son and they were already there for 3 weeks, which means her son was admitted even before full moon. I went there with another friend. I don't dare to go alone because I am very emotional and I know I will cry. I don't want to make her cries also. So I need someone, who is stronger than me, to be there and talk about things when I don't know what to say or when I try to hold my tears.

LY's baby is very cute, weighing a healthy 5.1 kg at 1.5 months. I wanted to take his picture but somehow did not do it. I don't know why. She showed us the scar on his body. One scar is at the back where the growth was (it was removed earlier). It measured around 1.5 inch. Another scar is on his neck, where the tube for chemotherapy is inserted. This scar is smaller, less than 1cm I think. The tube came out from somewhere around his stomach and is plastered with tape. His skin was already reddish because of the tape. His hand was a little bit swollen due to the IV drip the other day. It was a really sad thing to see.

We chatted for around 1 hour and the overall mood was ok because they expect the doctor to start the chemotherapy soon. The doctor said the cancer is malignant, which means dangerous. I check it out from Wikipedia and it says malignant is a clinical term that is used to describe a clinical course that progresses rapidly to death. Her baby has gone through numerous scan, MRI, CT, ultrasound, don't know what else lar.

Before we left, I promised to send some of Ethan's clothes to her and I try to make it today. She needs some singlets and 'eyelet' clothes for her son because there is no air-condition at the hospital, only fan and the weather now can be terribly hot in the afternoon. So I asked my hubby to send me there during lunch. He came to my office to pick up the car for repair. I sent sms to her saying that I will be at the hospital at around 1p.m. but there was no reply from her.

When I reached there, her son's name was not on the patient list anymore and the bed was empty. I was like 'Aiyor, what happened??'. I asked the nurse and she said 'sudah balik rumah'. Ohhh, like that ok lar. Immediately I received LY's call. She apologised and said she just saw my sms. I said nevermind lar. How can I be angry with her in this kind of situation. So, I asked her what happened. She said the doctor discovered new cancerous cell and cannot determine what it is, therefore cannot go for chemo. I asked her how long you have to wait? She said she doesn't know. I was like 'what the heck lar this doctor, the tube is still inside the baby and you don't tell people how long they have to wait ar????' She was trying to tell me more but the line was not clear in the hospital so I told her I will call her back. I quickly rushed back to the car. Hubby was waiting for me in the car and we went for lunch. Actually, I don't have the apetite to eat already. I told him, you decide what to eat lar and I quickly call LY back.

She told me she pray very hard everyday that her baby will be ok. If the doctor cannot determine what it is, they might have to send it to UK for testing. I said UK as in United Kingdom? She said yes and doesn't know how long it will take. What the heck lar this hospital!!! The doctor told her very negative things yesterday and even said that her son only have 20% chance of survival up to 5 years. My heart really sank and my eyes were all teary by that time. Both of us were speechless and I can hear her tone has changed as if she wanted to cry but trying to hold on to it. So was I. I told her I will visit her during CNY after I come back from Penang and ended the conversation. I was really really sad and wanted to cry it all out but hubby already switch off the engine and air-con, locked the car and standing outside waiting for me. Arghhhhh...men can be so insensitive. Then I try to rub my tears away and followed him to the restaurant and told him what happened. I think he knew I was very sad and wanted to cry. He is the type that is very calm (sometimes with no emotion) and try to distract my attention by asking me what to eat tonight, etc. etc. But still, my mind was somewhere else.

To all mummies and daddies out there, I know you all love your kids very very much but I still have to say this. Remember to treasure all the time you have with your loved ones. Love them like there is no tomorrow.